i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
