i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
