There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
