She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
