You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
