i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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