saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think people are normalizing furries
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
