While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
