Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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