Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
