Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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