problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
