god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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