I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
