when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
