i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
