lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
