I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
