if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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