pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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