No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
