Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
