True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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