i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
