I hate your face
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
