I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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