He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
