This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Girls should come with a carfax report
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
