I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Green mimosas i think yes
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
