yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize