ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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