Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize