Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
