I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
