sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
