we have officially lost it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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