So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My penis needs a shock collar
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
