i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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