Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
