You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Randomize
