after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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