just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
