wanna go halves on a baby?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
