I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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