I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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