I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
