I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
