I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My bed smells like the plague
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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