Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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