Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
