Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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