I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
