I puked a lego.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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