she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So much rum. So many feels.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
