i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
