You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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