Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
