there was a trapeze. enough said
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
