It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
