it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
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