Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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