Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
