I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
