I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
