so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize