I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
