I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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