there's paper in my vomit.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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