So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
