Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
