Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
