I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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