real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
