He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
