me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
