I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
