dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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