Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
