I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
