saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
