does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
