she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
