Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
