i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's rum buckets o'clock
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize