You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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