Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
